I understand that the US is in the middle of an opioid epidemic but why do we keep shaming people that need to use them to manage their pain. I do not use any narcotic medications on a regular basis only as needed and I reserve it for really bad pain days where I am in so much pain I can’t move. For the past 6 months I have been having severe pain in my right leg and more recently pain in my entire spine. I have instability in my cervical spine (neck) and my lumbar spine (low back). The vertebrae in my neck and back show degeneration and possible osteoarthritis. I also have some mildly bulging discs in my lumbar spine and a mild posterior displacement of my L5 vertebrae over my Sacrum. I have very limited motion in my thoracic spine due to very tight spinal muscles and this causes pain in my shoulder blades, ribs, and back. I also have a connective tissue disease that causes joint dislocations and a host of other problems. I am constantly in pain. I am really lucky to have friends that don’t make me feel bad for needing to take a narcotic medication and often will encourage me to do so when they see I am in a lot of pain. But the problem comes with my parents. When I had surgery in 2016 my mom didn’t get my Tylenol #3 prescription filled because she felt I didn’t need to take it. Luckily I was fine and was not in a lot of pain (as I had lost feeling in and around the surgical site due to most likely a nerve being removed or damaged during surgery). My port surgery was brutal and my mom had my Tylenol #3 prescription filled but kept pushing me to get off it as soon as possible. The last surgery I had was in 2018 and I woke up in so much pain from that surgery I was hyperventilating and couldn’t speak or open my eyes and I was sobbing. They prescribed me Hydrocodone which my parents filled but my mom told me multiple times that I needed to get off it as soon as possible. I understand and am completely aware that many people get addicted to pain medications after a surgery, but it’s not helpful when you need to take narcotic pain medications to have people who are taking care of you openly express their discontent with you taking the medication. I used to have really bad period cramps to the point I was missing school, puking, and crying on the floor I was in so much pain (we found out I had ovarian cysts and in 2018 found out I have endometriosis which why I was in so much pain). I had 3 ER trips due to period pain and each time was prescribed Tramadol to take home.  I used to take a lot of tylenol and motrin. For tylenol to even touch the pain I had to take 2,000-2,500mg and for motrin, I had to take 1,000 mg and I would have to cycle between those every 2 to 3 hours. That much medication is not healthy for your liver or kidneys. Naproxen worked for a little while but for me to even be able to go about my daily life on my period (because my parents were against birth control when I was under 18) Tramadol worked best. My dad will make comments about my medication use and state that he “doesn’t have to take all these medications even when he’s injured.” If I mention being in pain to either of my parents I always get the response “what do you want me to do about it?” It’s never: “have you taken anything for it?” “Do you want ice or heat?” “How bad is your pain?” or even “Do you want a hug?”

I saw my neurologist and he basically gave me the options of seeing a spinal surgeon, a pain management physician for steroid injections, or continuing with PT. I told my mom this and as soon as she heard pain management she immediately says “No, you don’t need any narcotics.” I literally said nothing about narcotics and that it would be for steroid injections around the irritated nerve in my back, but what she assumed was narcotics. I know not to even ask my dad about narcotics because he is just going to tell me all about how I just need to eat better and exercise and that he doesn’t need any medications.

It takes a lot for me to say that I am in a lot of pain. I was in excruciating pain, almost in tears, and instead of helping my body by taking a Tylenol #3, I instead waited 2 hours to see if the pain would get better on its own, I stretched, ate breakfast, attempted some homework, and then asked my friend what I should do when the pain got worse. Of course he told me to take the Tylenol #3, but I should not feel that insecure and guilty about treating my pain. Because of all of the restrictions the US has put into place around narcotic medications I have a very limited supply and access. I have had my doctors and nurses tell me it’s ok to ask if I need pain meds, especially during a flare, but I don’t because if my parents find out, I am shamed for using them.

This stigma and shame surrounding using narcotic medications for pain management is shameful and I honestly believe it does more harm than good. For people who have diagnosed chronic or acute conditions that cause severe pain, they should be able to take the medication that helps them best to continue on with their daily life. I should not feel guilty or have to hide from my parents when I need to take a narcotic medication. You can’t compare your pain to other people’s pain. It’s not healthy to be in high amounts of pain for days at a time. I shouldn’t have to refuse pain medications to satisfy my parents. Chronic Illness sucks as is and it sucks even more when you have parents and/or other people in your life that make you feel like shit for something that is out of your control. My dad likes to tell my mom and I that I am only in pain because I stay in bed so much (because he assumes that if I am in my room I am in my bed. more times than not I am laying or sitting on my floor). He never thinks, maybe she’s in bed because she doesn’t feel well or she is in a lot of pain. According to him my pain and illnesses arise because I am in bed and don’t exercise enough.

The worst part of all of this, is that I cannot voice any of this to my parents because it will be met with resentment and fall on deaf ears. Instead of listening they attack, and in this situation I am the one who suffers and they don’t care enough to realize that.