Every so often I find myself asking this question. It helps me to realize why I am trying to get better and why I should. Sometimes my answer is yes it is worth it but sometimes my answer is that it’s not worth it. When my answer is yes, it usually means that I am in a good place emotionally and when the answer is no it means the latter. So for today I am going to answer this question in the frame of mind I am right now.

Is it worth it?

I’m not sure. I want getting better to be worth it. I want to get to a place where the smallest thing no longer seems like a mountain in my way. But there’s a doubt in my mind that it’s not worth trying to achieve because moving a mountain is nearly impossible. I’m conflicted with myself and my emotions because they seem to be non existent yet all being felt at once. I feel like I don’t belong and no one seems to understand. If I were to tell someone they would immediately respond saying “I/We love you and you shouldn’t feel that way.” Well guess what I do and there’s really nothing anyone can do to make me not feel like that. The feelings have to run their course and invalidating how I am feeling is not going to help. I guess I don’t feel like I can be myself anymore. I just really want to be alone so I can attempt to figure things out, myself. So if it is worth it I guess I will have to wait and see.